www.homesouls.com The secret of home
I was there to look at the window, and I only had 30 minutes to do this peep with Lee, but it was the fireplace, not the window, that attracted my attention. On the mantle above the hearth was the word ‘home’, in big wooden letters; I note the Fire wall is red, and ask Lee about her choice of paint; she said: “both me and my daughter got sick when my husband went to get the paint” – This was serious, because her son’s immune system is compromised, and the rest of the family have to be very careful not to get ill.
I noticed that the key beneath the letter E was broken, and she said she took it back to the shop, but they did not have another to replace it with, also that the door lock forming the O of ‘home’ was in the shape of a heart, and I asked about this. She pointed to another heart at the window, and said: “My husband said – ‘you are obsessed with hearts at the moment‘ – I had not even realised I was doing it, but I have got one in each window around the house. I had been buying so many hearts (over the past 6 months) for the windows.”
I asked her what they mean to her. She said just the normal things like; “Love, it is feminine; women tend to go for curves – probably a love theme”.
I asked about the plant in the window, and she said “it is a Mexican fortune tree”. Her husband wanted a plant for the window; “that was his thing, but we could not agree on one – this tree was the easiest to find; we both really liked it”, and she showed me how healthy it is with new leaves shooting out “it is thriving”. My husband said: “that’s a really healthy plant that is”.
“I never liked this room. The TV was in the bay window, and we had an electric fire on the wall. … Now it is the Adult Room”.
She had not realised the significance of her words, nor her sub-conscious choices; When health was such an issue, it was important to choose a healthy and thriving plant, and one that even represents good fortune.
I returned to the image of the hearts, and said that ‘heart’ sounds like ‘hearth’, it has a Fire quality. She told me how they unblocked the old fire and pulled out lots of rubble; it felt like they had released something in doing that. Her husband said the space felt healthier because of it. So I asked what the hearts are about. She had not given them any thought before, but her knowing burst forward, saying; “it is about the children” (that she had lost four children at birth), but then she said:
“It is really my role as a wife. For couples that struggle with infertility, the sexual relationship becomes quite mechanical and empty really. Can be a case that you have to have sex because you are ovulating, and then at the end of the month, it is the feeling that I went through all of that, but for what? It is hard to recover from – where is the passion?….. Most people with kids are tired; but when you are classed as infertile, it is a problem that you really have to work through in the end… So that is probably why the Fire came out…. Isn’t it?”
Following the consultation I received this email from Lee to share:
- I’ve been thinking about the whole ‘passion’ issue since you left and it’s more than the left over scarring from it being mechanical for so long. The ‘act’ was tied up with grief and loss for so long, I think that has left its mark. In order to protect ourselves we naturally move away from things that cause us pain … for so long I couldn’t move away from it because we had to do it to have a baby. But now our family is complete, deep down I think a protective barrier has come up – the passion has been pushed down to protect myself from the feelings of loss. But at the same time, the woman in me (not the mother) is trying to get out and relight the fire.
The work on that window is not complete, they are about to purchase blinds, which will mean the heart will be taken down. So now it is time for Lee and her husband to consider whether they will replace it, and what they will replace it with. They might also consider the broken key above the fire and under the letter E of home. Perhaps this is an opportunity to focus on what keys and home mean to them, and what they might do about the broken one. What do you think? I would be happy to pass on any thoughts and comments to Lee.
Lindsay
www.homesouls.com The secret of home
CIVIC 